Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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