In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
