I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
