maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
