I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
