I think I died a long time ago.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
