Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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