everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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