I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize