They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
