What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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