it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
