too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
