So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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