she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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