i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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