Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
