But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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