I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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