he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
