You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
