It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize