smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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