whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
