I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize