Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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