OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
