New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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