I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
