New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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