just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just googled if crying burns calories
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
