Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
