you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize