He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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