He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
