Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
