I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
