pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
