i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
