not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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