puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
