hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
