I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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