I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
