You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize