one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
