Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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