A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize