We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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