He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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