hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
