his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
