It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
