every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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