Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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