I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
