Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Alive.
So much puke
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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