Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
