yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
