I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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