this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
