Someone shit on the floor
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
