i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
