I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
