i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize