I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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