Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
