well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize