I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
