Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
