the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
