You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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