the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
