I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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