Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
