She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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