HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
