Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
