So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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