The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
