Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize