How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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