Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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