I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
