Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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