Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
