My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
