i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
