Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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