You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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