I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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