Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
