yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so that wasnt chicken after all
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
