i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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