Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
