last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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