and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
