I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
