I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
