No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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