he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize